i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
