wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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