Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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