I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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