Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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