Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
