We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
