I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
