The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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