I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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