please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
