I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
