So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
