one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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