Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
