If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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