How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
