Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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