I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
