I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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