did you get engaged???
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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