dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
