She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
