you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
