Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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