I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
