I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
