Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
