Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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