I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
