i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
