Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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