I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
