Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
