I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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