You really coming over, don't trick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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