So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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