Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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