Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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