Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
