Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
