After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
