Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this will be a night to untag.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
