His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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