i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
