Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can you repeat that, but with context?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
