another moral hangover. fuck.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
