I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
