Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize