i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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