I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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