I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
