We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
