Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
