I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
