yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
