Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
