I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
