I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
