i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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