Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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