i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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