you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
