I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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