just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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