ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
