we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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