i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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