I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
