you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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